Storm Clouds Gathering

Rainbow of Promise by Debora Louks

Storm Clouds Gathering...

Well, there is stormy weather ahead.  My GFR went from 15 to 11.  In the kidney world that isn't good news.  I am praying that it was a temporary set back and that it will rebound this next month.  My heart just dropped a little.  I had a very serious conversation with my nurse, Sue, we talked about the hard decisions I may have to make very soon.

Dr. Bryant, Sue, and I have worked very hard to put off dialysis in hopes I would receive a kidney transplant before I would need dialysis, but my search so far has only turned up one friend who asked questions about the process. I am so grateful that she asked. 

I hope everyone realizes that asking for a kidney donor is not an easy thing to do.  I was raised not to impose upon people.  So this whole 'asking for a kidney' is very uncomfortable.  Therefore if I want to live a good quality of life, and have hope of many years with my sons, daughter-in-law, and grandchildren, I have to ask.  I don't have a choice.  I must do my part if Heavenly Father is to help me on His end.  

I still work 40 hours a week.  I still walk to work.  I still babysit my grandchildren on my days off.  I cross-stitch and am working on projects I am making for my grand babies.  I fill my life with magical moments no matter what I am doing.  Time cannot be wasted.  It bothers me when I come home and I am so tired I just want to lay down.  Sometimes I do, but I am usually doing something constructive.  

I just went through a great deal of frustration when the local hospital refused to administer my Aranesp injections.  Dr. Bryant ordered them to help keep my blood count up so I don't get so tired.  The hospital said I do not need them and they were approved by my insurance, I don't understand.  We kept hitting brick walls so we found a alternate route.  There is an alternate medication, Procrit, that pretty much does the same thing but I need Procrit once a week instead of the once a month with Aranesp.  So, my mail order pharmacy approved the Procrit and I am now injecting myself.  I used to give my Mimi her insulin injections years ago, so, I was sure I could inject myself.  Besides, I once had some limited medical training years ago in high school.  I went online and found the instructions on injecting Procrit; it looked easy enough.  I talked with Sue for further instruction and I pulled it off without a hitch!  Yay!  My son, Matthew, had his doubts, but I can be pretty headstrong when  needed.  This was a HUGE load off my mind.  The hospital stressed me out too much.  It is really bad when a hospital stresses you out!

Even though this has been a challenge, physically, emotionally, and financially, I still have hope and faith that all things will be worked out.  This doesn't mean that I don't have my ups and downs and sometimes even feel despair from the weight of it all.  I am still able to look up and rely upon the Great Physician for his mercy, love, and strength to continue in faith and hope.
There are a few beautiful, incredible songs  I would like to share the lyrics with you that are uplifting and exemplify how I sometimes feel.  They also offer so much comfort and I can feel my Heavenly Father near me.

The Anchor Holds

Words and Music by Lawrence Chewning and Ray Boltz
© 1994 - Word Music

I have journeyed through the long, dark night
Out on the open sea,
By faith alone, sight unknown,
And yet His eyes were watching me.

The Anchor holds, though the ship is battered.
The Anchor holds, though the sails are torn.
Well, I have fallen on my knees,
as I faced the raging sea,
But the Anchor holds, in spite of the storm.

I've had visions and I've had dreams;
Well, I've even held them in my hands,
But I never knew those dreams
could slip right through
Like they were only grains of sand.

Oh, the Anchor holds, though the ship is battered.
The Anchor holds, though the sails are torn.
Well, I have fallen on my knees,
as I faced the raging seas.
Oh, the Anchor holds, in spite of the storm.

Here is another that is a beautiful arrangement by my friend Kenneth Cope.  It is a medley of three hymns.

Peace, Be Still 

 

Master, the tempest is raging

The billows are tossing high

The sky is o’ershadowed with blackness

No shelter or help is nigh

Carest thou not that we perish?

How canst thou lie asleep

When each moment so madly is threat’ning

A grave in the angry deep?

The winds and the waves shall obey thy will

Peace, be still

Peace, be still

Whether the wrath of the storm tossed sea

Or demons or men or whatever it be

No waters can swallow the ship where lies

The Master of ocean and earth and skies

They all shall sweetly obey thy will

Peace, be still

Peace, be still

They all shall sweetly obey thy will

Peace, peace, be still

—

                                              Be still, my soul

The waves and winds still know

His voice who ruled them

While He dwelt below

—

Then sings my soul

My Savior God, to thee

How great thou art

How great thou art

Then sings my soul

My Savior God, to thee

How great thou art

How great thou art

—

                                          Peace, peace, be still

Peace, be Still -- text: Mary Ann Baker; music: H.R. Palmer

Be Still, My Soul --  text: Katharina von Schlegel, translated by Jane Borthwick;

music: Jean Sibelius

How Great Thou Art -- 
text: Stuart K. Hine, © renewed 1981 Manna Music, Inc.

Water Fountain by Debora Louks

 For anyone that happens to read this blog I humbly ask that you please share this any way you feel so inspired.  I truly am grateful for any effort on my behalf.  I wish everyone bounteous blessings from our Heavenly Father!

Until later....

Deb

[No copyright infringement is intended lyrics are listed for educational purposes only....dkl]